I really like how you decided to model your story book kind of like a class out of Harry Potter. Being a big Potter fan, it makes it all that much better that you were so specific in the detail you put into the introduction even addressing specific characters and their tendencies. Additionally, I LOVE Hercules. I don't believe I read any of those stories but now that I'm aware of the twelve labors of Hercules I will definitely seek this out and go read it. It was also fun that you listed out the 12 labors first and then talked about the extra four that would be addressed specifically in this storybook. It reminded me how on the first day of class some professors go over the syllabus in great detail, talking about what we should already know and what we will learn. I'm interested in how you incorporate the voice of Hagrid into your retelling of these stories. He is such a distinct character it should be fun adding some of his tone and personality into the stories about Hercules. I can't wait to read some of the story you write about him.
Wow, I really like your introduction. That was a very clever way to introduce your reader to the information that will soon be revealed. The list of labors gives the reader just enough information to be intrigued. They sure peeked my interest. I was confused at first because I didn't expect your class to be set in a Harry Potter dimension but studying about Hercules. Then I understood the method to your madness. It is really a great mash up. I cant wait to see how you carry both themes together in your stories. It should be fun adding your favorite characters for Harry Potter. Like Savannah mentioned the voice of Hagrid would be an almost expected addition. He would make a great narrator. Maybe you could add to what goes on in detention with Professor Snip. That could be hilarious.There are so many possibilities with your theme.I cannot wait to see how the stories unfold.
Your introduction is my favorite thing I've seen in any of these storybooks. It's honestly a great idea that had me engrossed as soon as I realized what you were doing. The name of the class may be the only gripe I have with your introduction (albeit a small one). In going with the Harry Potter theme, the class names are usually very broad. If you perhaps changed it to "Historical Dealings with Rogue Magical Creatures" or something to that effect I would personally find it more in line with what you want to do. I will definitely be returning to this storybook to see how things unfold. Looking forward to a great time in Hagrid's class!
Ryan, Your introduction was a perfect beginning to your storybook. Your humorous tone and unique voice shines through your words. I like that you held the readers attention until the very end when you decided to reveal what your stories were actually about in the last paragraph. The sentence "hold your metaphorical hand," was by far one of my favorites. I thought everything was great but the one thing I would suggest changing is the Twilight Zone graphic in the very beginning. I think it's a little misleading considering your title is the Fifth dimension. Looking forward to reading the rest stories in the future!!
I have to admit that I have never read such an introduction to a storybook! The second I say your layout, I was already captivated and excited to read its content. I love how you mixed between Hercules and Harry Potter, being a fan of both I could not wait to read the rest. The way you bring everything up and making it look like the first day of class is very original and gives a very nice touch to your storybook. However, I think it might have been better to emphasize more about the stories that you will be writing and go more in depth about the stories. My favorite part was when you talk about the main rules and mention some Harry Potter characters. Other than that, I think your introduction was perfect and I look forward to read your future stories in this class. Good luck
Eek! I'm so excited that you chose to tell your story through the lens of the Harry Potter world. I've been waiting to read some stories that include cross-over into a major book series. I think you also channel Hagrid's voice really well here. This was a well thought out and quirky way to present these stories of Hercules. I wouldn't have thought to do this, especially through a new class introduced at Hogwarts. Very clever class name, and very clever inclusion of Hagrid's little quips at the different students in his class. It is just the introduction, so I don't have too much else to say. I think this is a great start on what I'm sure is going to be a really interesting and unique story book!
Mashing together Harry Potter and Greek Mythology was an interesting read because they exist in different worlds. In the introduction, it was interesting that Hera saw Hercules as a formidable person. I wonder if there was a reason for all of the labors.
For the first story, it sounded like a fun classroom judging from the side remarks. It was nice to read the inclusion of the different Harry Potter characters. When you wrote Hercules disguising as an old crippled man, it showed that he had brains too, and not just strength.
I wonder what if you added a picture of the temple of skulls (bone church/temple). For me, it was shocking and gruesome that Antaeus would do something like that. It was something that I would like to see, but I can't say the same for others. It is just a suggestion. Aside from this, since it looks like you’re doing a dialogue/play, what you could add are some actions in between dialogues. An example would be like when you said awkward silence. For example, you can add that the bell rang right after Harry said his part, which led to Hagrid ending the class.
I really enjoyed your introduction and the way you are structuring your story. I thought having the twelve list of labors as an outline was neat. At first I was a bit confused but once I realized what you were doing with the Harry Potter aspect I thought it was super creative and neat. I really love the movie Harry Potter so you already had my interest there. Incorporating Harry Potter characters into your Hercules story would be fun for you as a writer and fun for us as readers since we already know the Harry Potter character’s personalities. I think that adding dialogue can be beneficial in many ways. It will help shape the situation at hand and give angles to each scenario. However, it can be difficult since you have to add in the information such as the aesthetic and atmosphere that each character gives off. I like what you have here and will be back for more.
I’m a HUGE fan of Harry Potter and I’m really glad you took this route for your storybook. You started off wonderful when Hagrid first started speaking, but it started to sound more like Snape then goofball Hagrid. I don’t think he would ever say shut up to Ron, Draco yes, but not Ron. The same goes for Neville, that’s just my opinion though. If you wanted a new spin on Hagrid, it works! : ) Hermione is perfect know-it-all as always. Now, they way Hagrid responds to Draco, that is a perfect response! Before I forget you misspelled Slytherin in your first paragraph: ) I like the photo you chose at the beginning of your story! It fits in perfectly to the story and I could see it in one of Hogwarts books! I really can’t wait to read more and I hope some of my other favorite characters make an appearance (Luna, Snape, Dumbledore and etc.). Also, you could use Trelawney as a mystical approach in one of your future stories, it would definitely work!
Ryan, this is such a cool idea for a Storybook! I love Harry Potter—who doesn't?? I actually can't believe I didn't think about doing a Harry Potter storybook myself! Hagrid is my favorite, so I'm really happy you chose him as your main character. I think formatting your storybook like a class is a great idea as well. It makes it easy to translate the stories to the Harry Potter world. I was skeptical about the lecture format at first. I think it could be easy for a story to be boring when it's just one character telling it to a bunch of others. But you do a nice job letting all of the characters interact, which keeps things interesting. Maybe for a future story you could mix it up though! I'm not sure if you've quite nailed the different characters voices yet—and I don't blame you because I can't imagine trying to emulate them—but I think that'll get smoother the more you write.
Great story! From your first story I am going to assume that I have been accepted into Hogwarts (which is a life-long dream of mine, so thank you!) I love the setting for your story! I can totally see this being a class that is taught at Hogwarts. I think that you gave your character great voice! I can totally see Hagrid saying all of this and it really helped me be engaged as a reader (well that and the fact that I LOVE HARRY POTTER!) You are the first person I have seen that structured their story by dialogue and I love it. I think it makes it easier to follow and keeps each character interacting within the story! One thing that could make your story stronger is a little background for those people “muggles” who haven’t read Harry Potter! I think it would really help them to understand the story. Overall, great job and I can’t wait to read more from you!
Hi Ryan! Wow I am so glad I got a chance to read your storybook. You seriously can never go wrong with Harry Potter! I love that you made it a class that Hagrid taught. You did a terrific job of really bringing the characters to life. Hagrid’s comments after all of the rules really made the storybook awesome! You are super descriptive with all of your stories which makes it really enjoyable to read. I think it is a terrific idea to have who is speaking before each line. It was kind of like reading a play! Seriously such a great idea. I really think you have an awesome project started and the next stories that you add will be just as amazing! You set yourself up for a good transition to the next story by talking about Hera. I am so excited to see how this all turns out! Amazing job and definitely keep up the good work.
I know this isn’t story-related, but the first thing that struck me is that you might want to find a different image for the title page: it’s kind of grainy, and that’s even more noticeable since this is the first impression and it’s the only thing on the page. The image you use at the top of your introduction might even be better for your title page: the image from the animated Hercules movie puts the emphasis on Herc himself, which makes it a little jarring when the introduction actually opens with a class taught at Hogwarts. Just a suggestion, though.
As for the introduction itself, I love your storybook concept of revealing the “untold” labors. I’m also a fan of the idea of the idea of using Hagrid’s class as a frame for your story—getting to hear from Harry and all his classmates was loads of fun. (Seriously, using Hermione to explain your mythology is perfect: It feels both very clever and totally natural.) The additions you’ve made to the originals, like Hercules disguising himself for Antaeus, worked quite well. Very nice job on this so far!
Ryan, I really like your theme you have going. I am a huge Harry Potter fan and that was what initially caught my eye and made me want to read your storybook. I like that you chose this theme because it makes reading your stories funny and entertaining and also enlightens the reader about a whole new topic. I like that you included a lot of different Harry Potter characters and their associated personalities and used this in order to tell your stories with some humor. I think it would be cool if you made your background a Harry Potter theme so that it matches your storybook. I think you write very well and are good at telling your main story while also incorporating your theme. I also like that it is in a dialogue format because it breaks up the story into sections which is easier on my mind when I am trying to read lengthier stories.
The first thing I have to say about this is you might want to find a higher resolution picture for your first page. I like the picture of Disney's Hercules but it's just so blurry.
I really love the format of your story here. It's really creative and clever to use Harry Potter, especially since so many people are familiar with it and love it, to convey your story. The dialogue works really well and you're giving the characters good personality. The only quibble I have there is that well if Harry is already hunting horcruxes then why is Neville... putting pencils up his nose? He's not 5 he's like 16. And he was never a dumbass. I just thought it was odd.
I do not know if you were trying to increase your word count or if you were just trying to set the scene a little bit but I found your use of extraneous dialogue interesting. It wasn't really necessary but it did give me the feeling of them being in a class setting. Overall it threw me off a little though because it didn't really relate to the story of Hercules. Ignore or accept that criticism as you will though. It's really up to you how you want it to sound.
Hey Ryan! I don't think I've ever read any of your stories, so I'm happy that I was able to before the end of the semester. Although, I am not really familiar with Harry Potter other than reading the first two books and visiting Harry Potter World in Florida, I really enjoyed that you told the story using the Harry Potter characters. It was like a story within a story and I could really picture the characters as well as the characters in the Hercules story Hagrid was telling. I thought that using the Harry Potter theme made an otherwise pretty confusing story very easy to follow. As a reader I would need the explanations of the plot because I am not very familiar with the story, so it helps that Hagrid had to explain everything to his students anyways. I felt like I was also a student in his class.
Hi Ryan! When I read the description and saw that it mentioned Hagrid and Hogwarts, I knew that I would be interested in your Storybook. I absolutely love Harry Potter, so I was excited to see your spinoff for your Storybook. I thought your introduction was really interesting and it kind of reminded me of a class syllabus which fits perfectly with your theme. In regards to your website theme, I think you did a great job finding one that meshes well with the Storybook theme. It is simple but still works. As you explained, you used a classroom theme for the setting of your Storybook. This made it really interesting for me to read. Your writing is really detailed as well, so I could actually visualize your stories as I was reading them. Overall, I think you are headed in a great direction and I think you are doing a wonderful job!
Ryan, I just read your story about Hercules vs Atlas. I think you did a phenomenal job of telling this story. What I liked best was that you told the whole thing as dialogue between Hagrid and the students. At first I was worried it would be hard to follow, but I really had no trouble in keeping in pace with the story. The only thing I could suggest was that the climax seemed kind of muddled in with the rest of the story. Assuming that it was the point where Hercules had the sky while Atlas was getting the tooth or when Hercules had to trick him into taking the sky back, it just felt like you breezed over it a little bit. I wonder if there is a way that you could lengthen that part of the story just a tad bit? It would have been interesting if you could have included towards the end of your story just how Hera reacted when she found out that Hercules had beat her. Obviously she was upset, but a little more detail there would have made the story really exciting. Great work on this story and keep up the effort!
I love Harry Potter! I love how you added in greek mythology to the Harry Potter series! Some parts I saw that were confusing were: In the introduction, Hagrid is talking about the extra 3 labors but at one point he calls them 4 labors instead of 3 When Hagrid was telling the tale of Hercules vs. Typhon, you referred to Hercules as Zeus’ favorite sun, instead of son I really enjoyed how all the students are commenting on things in the classroom, I wonder if this lesson could be added into the class that Hagrid taught in one of the books, the one that buckbeak was introduced in. He taught a monster class then that I suppose could have encompassed mythology as well. There were many parts in the story that made me bust up laughing, like when Hera just slapped the ground to become pregnant. I don’t think its how you meant it just I just imagined Hera body slamming the ground and bouncing off the surface suddenly like 9 months pregnant.
Ryan, I chose to read your storybook because you included Harry Potter references in the description, which grabbed my attention. I am excited to read how you tie in the myths we read and Harry Potter characters. I like to write my commentary as I read and might I just say, Wow!! I love the way that you set up your story and how you made each story a lesson in a mythology class. This was a great idea and I also like how you included classroom rules that would have definitely been around at Hogwarts. The way you wrote your individual stories was interesting and I think it would be good to discuss why you chose a script format. It gives the characters a lot of personality, but it would be good background information for the reader to know your writing style. Your storybook gave you the opportunity to simply retell the original myths, which was a great idea. Overall, great job! I think the only comment I would have is to write about your thought process when you were writing your story in the author's note. It doesn't have to be detailed, but just the reason behind the way you write would be very interesting to know!
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you decided to model your story book kind of like a class out of Harry Potter. Being a big Potter fan, it makes it all that much better that you were so specific in the detail you put into the introduction even addressing specific characters and their tendencies. Additionally, I LOVE Hercules. I don't believe I read any of those stories but now that I'm aware of the twelve labors of Hercules I will definitely seek this out and go read it. It was also fun that you listed out the 12 labors first and then talked about the extra four that would be addressed specifically in this storybook. It reminded me how on the first day of class some professors go over the syllabus in great detail, talking about what we should already know and what we will learn. I'm interested in how you incorporate the voice of Hagrid into your retelling of these stories. He is such a distinct character it should be fun adding some of his tone and personality into the stories about Hercules. I can't wait to read some of the story you write about him.
Wow, I really like your introduction. That was a very clever way to introduce your reader to the information that will soon be revealed. The list of labors gives the reader just enough information to be intrigued. They sure peeked my interest. I was confused at first because I didn't expect your class to be set in a Harry Potter dimension but studying about Hercules. Then I understood the method to your madness. It is really a great mash up. I cant wait to see how you carry both themes together in your stories. It should be fun adding your favorite characters for Harry Potter. Like Savannah mentioned the voice of Hagrid would be an almost expected addition. He would make a great narrator. Maybe you could add to what goes on in detention with Professor Snip. That could be hilarious.There are so many possibilities with your theme.I cannot wait to see how the stories unfold.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is my favorite thing I've seen in any of these storybooks. It's honestly a great idea that had me engrossed as soon as I realized what you were doing. The name of the class may be the only gripe I have with your introduction (albeit a small one). In going with the Harry Potter theme, the class names are usually very broad. If you perhaps changed it to "Historical Dealings with Rogue Magical Creatures" or something to that effect I would personally find it more in line with what you want to do. I will definitely be returning to this storybook to see how things unfold. Looking forward to a great time in Hagrid's class!
ReplyDeleteRyan,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was a perfect beginning to your storybook. Your humorous tone and unique voice shines through your words. I like that you held the readers attention until the very end when you decided to reveal what your stories were actually about in the last paragraph. The sentence "hold your metaphorical hand," was by far one of my favorites. I thought everything was great but the one thing I would suggest changing is the Twilight Zone graphic in the very beginning. I think it's a little misleading considering your title is the Fifth dimension. Looking forward to reading the rest stories in the future!!
Hey Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I have never read such an introduction to a storybook! The second I say your layout, I was already captivated and excited to read its content. I love how you mixed between Hercules and Harry Potter, being a fan of both I could not wait to read the rest. The way you bring everything up and making it look like the first day of class is very original and gives a very nice touch to your storybook. However, I think it might have been better to emphasize more about the stories that you will be writing and go more in depth about the stories. My favorite part was when you talk about the main rules and mention some Harry Potter characters. Other than that, I think your introduction was perfect and I look forward to read your future stories in this class. Good luck
Eek! I'm so excited that you chose to tell your story through the lens of the Harry Potter world. I've been waiting to read some stories that include cross-over into a major book series.
ReplyDeleteI think you also channel Hagrid's voice really well here. This was a well thought out and quirky way to present these stories of Hercules. I wouldn't have thought to do this, especially through a new class introduced at Hogwarts. Very clever class name, and very clever inclusion of Hagrid's little quips at the different students in his class. It is just the introduction, so I don't have too much else to say. I think this is a great start on what I'm sure is going to be a really interesting and unique story book!
Mashing together Harry Potter and Greek Mythology was an interesting read because they exist in different worlds. In the introduction, it was interesting that Hera saw Hercules as a formidable person. I wonder if there was a reason for all of the labors.
ReplyDeleteFor the first story, it sounded like a fun classroom judging from the side remarks. It was nice to read the inclusion of the different Harry Potter characters. When you wrote Hercules disguising as an old crippled man, it showed that he had brains too, and not just strength.
I wonder what if you added a picture of the temple of skulls (bone church/temple). For me, it was shocking and gruesome that Antaeus would do something like that. It was something that I would like to see, but I can't say the same for others. It is just a suggestion. Aside from this, since it looks like you’re doing a dialogue/play, what you could add are some actions in between dialogues. An example would be like when you said awkward silence. For example, you can add that the bell rang right after Harry said his part, which led to Hagrid ending the class.
I really enjoyed your introduction and the way you are structuring your story. I thought having the twelve list of labors as an outline was neat. At first I was a bit confused but once I realized what you were doing with the Harry Potter aspect I thought it was super creative and neat. I really love the movie Harry Potter so you already had my interest there. Incorporating Harry Potter characters into your Hercules story would be fun for you as a writer and fun for us as readers since we already know the Harry Potter character’s personalities. I think that adding dialogue can be beneficial in many ways. It will help shape the situation at hand and give angles to each scenario. However, it can be difficult since you have to add in the information such as the aesthetic and atmosphere that each character gives off. I like what you have here and will be back for more.
ReplyDeleteI’m a HUGE fan of Harry Potter and I’m really glad you took this route for your storybook. You started off wonderful when Hagrid first started speaking, but it started to sound more like Snape then goofball Hagrid. I don’t think he would ever say shut up to Ron, Draco yes, but not Ron. The same goes for Neville, that’s just my opinion though. If you wanted a new spin on Hagrid, it works! : ) Hermione is perfect know-it-all as always. Now, they way Hagrid responds to Draco, that is a perfect response! Before I forget you misspelled Slytherin in your first paragraph: )
ReplyDeleteI like the photo you chose at the beginning of your story! It fits in perfectly to the story and I could see it in one of Hogwarts books! I really can’t wait to read more and I hope some of my other favorite characters make an appearance (Luna, Snape, Dumbledore and etc.). Also, you could use Trelawney as a mystical approach in one of your future stories, it would definitely work!
Ryan, this is such a cool idea for a Storybook! I love Harry Potter—who doesn't?? I actually can't believe I didn't think about doing a Harry Potter storybook myself! Hagrid is my favorite, so I'm really happy you chose him as your main character. I think formatting your storybook like a class is a great idea as well. It makes it easy to translate the stories to the Harry Potter world. I was skeptical about the lecture format at first. I think it could be easy for a story to be boring when it's just one character telling it to a bunch of others. But you do a nice job letting all of the characters interact, which keeps things interesting. Maybe for a future story you could mix it up though! I'm not sure if you've quite nailed the different characters voices yet—and I don't blame you because I can't imagine trying to emulate them—but I think that'll get smoother the more you write.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! From your first story I am going to assume that I have been accepted into Hogwarts (which is a life-long dream of mine, so thank you!) I love the setting for your story! I can totally see this being a class that is taught at Hogwarts. I think that you gave your character great voice! I can totally see Hagrid saying all of this and it really helped me be engaged as a reader (well that and the fact that I LOVE HARRY POTTER!) You are the first person I have seen that structured their story by dialogue and I love it. I think it makes it easier to follow and keeps each character interacting within the story! One thing that could make your story stronger is a little background for those people “muggles” who haven’t read Harry Potter! I think it would really help them to understand the story. Overall, great job and I can’t wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! Wow I am so glad I got a chance to read your storybook. You seriously can never go wrong with Harry Potter! I love that you made it a class that Hagrid taught. You did a terrific job of really bringing the characters to life. Hagrid’s comments after all of the rules really made the storybook awesome! You are super descriptive with all of your stories which makes it really enjoyable to read. I think it is a terrific idea to have who is speaking before each line. It was kind of like reading a play! Seriously such a great idea. I really think you have an awesome project started and the next stories that you add will be just as amazing! You set yourself up for a good transition to the next story by talking about Hera. I am so excited to see how this all turns out! Amazing job and definitely keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI know this isn’t story-related, but the first thing that struck me is that you might want to find a different image for the title page: it’s kind of grainy, and that’s even more noticeable since this is the first impression and it’s the only thing on the page. The image you use at the top of your introduction might even be better for your title page: the image from the animated Hercules movie puts the emphasis on Herc himself, which makes it a little jarring when the introduction actually opens with a class taught at Hogwarts. Just a suggestion, though.
ReplyDeleteAs for the introduction itself, I love your storybook concept of revealing the “untold” labors. I’m also a fan of the idea of the idea of using Hagrid’s class as a frame for your story—getting to hear from Harry and all his classmates was loads of fun. (Seriously, using Hermione to explain your mythology is perfect: It feels both very clever and totally natural.) The additions you’ve made to the originals, like Hercules disguising himself for Antaeus, worked quite well. Very nice job on this so far!
Ryan, I really like your theme you have going. I am a huge Harry Potter fan and that was what initially caught my eye and made me want to read your storybook. I like that you chose this theme because it makes reading your stories funny and entertaining and also enlightens the reader about a whole new topic. I like that you included a lot of different Harry Potter characters and their associated personalities and used this in order to tell your stories with some humor. I think it would be cool if you made your background a Harry Potter theme so that it matches your storybook. I think you write very well and are good at telling your main story while also incorporating your theme. I also like that it is in a dialogue format because it breaks up the story into sections which is easier on my mind when I am trying to read lengthier stories.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I have to say about this is you might want to find a higher resolution picture for your first page. I like the picture of Disney's Hercules but it's just so blurry.
ReplyDeleteI really love the format of your story here. It's really creative and clever to use Harry Potter, especially since so many people are familiar with it and love it, to convey your story. The dialogue works really well and you're giving the characters good personality. The only quibble I have there is that well if Harry is already hunting horcruxes then why is Neville... putting pencils up his nose? He's not 5 he's like 16. And he was never a dumbass. I just thought it was odd.
I do not know if you were trying to increase your word count or if you were just trying to set the scene a little bit but I found your use of extraneous dialogue interesting. It wasn't really necessary but it did give me the feeling of them being in a class setting. Overall it threw me off a little though because it didn't really relate to the story of Hercules. Ignore or accept that criticism as you will though. It's really up to you how you want it to sound.
Hey Ryan! I don't think I've ever read any of your stories, so I'm happy that I was able to before the end of the semester. Although, I am not really familiar with Harry Potter other than reading the first two books and visiting Harry Potter World in Florida, I really enjoyed that you told the story using the Harry Potter characters. It was like a story within a story and I could really picture the characters as well as the characters in the Hercules story Hagrid was telling. I thought that using the Harry Potter theme made an otherwise pretty confusing story very easy to follow. As a reader I would need the explanations of the plot because I am not very familiar with the story, so it helps that Hagrid had to explain everything to his students anyways. I felt like I was also a student in his class.
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! When I read the description and saw that it mentioned Hagrid and Hogwarts, I knew that I would be interested in your Storybook. I absolutely love Harry Potter, so I was excited to see your spinoff for your Storybook. I thought your introduction was really interesting and it kind of reminded me of a class syllabus which fits perfectly with your theme. In regards to your website theme, I think you did a great job finding one that meshes well with the Storybook theme. It is simple but still works. As you explained, you used a classroom theme for the setting of your Storybook. This made it really interesting for me to read. Your writing is really detailed as well, so I could actually visualize your stories as I was reading them. Overall, I think you are headed in a great direction and I think you are doing a wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteRyan, I just read your story about Hercules vs Atlas. I think you did a phenomenal job of telling this story. What I liked best was that you told the whole thing as dialogue between Hagrid and the students. At first I was worried it would be hard to follow, but I really had no trouble in keeping in pace with the story. The only thing I could suggest was that the climax seemed kind of muddled in with the rest of the story. Assuming that it was the point where Hercules had the sky while Atlas was getting the tooth or when Hercules had to trick him into taking the sky back, it just felt like you breezed over it a little bit. I wonder if there is a way that you could lengthen that part of the story just a tad bit? It would have been interesting if you could have included towards the end of your story just how Hera reacted when she found out that Hercules had beat her. Obviously she was upset, but a little more detail there would have made the story really exciting. Great work on this story and keep up the effort!
ReplyDeleteI love Harry Potter! I love how you added in greek mythology to the Harry Potter series! Some parts I saw that were confusing were:
ReplyDeleteIn the introduction, Hagrid is talking about the extra 3 labors but at one point he calls them 4 labors instead of 3
When Hagrid was telling the tale of Hercules vs. Typhon, you referred to Hercules as Zeus’ favorite sun, instead of son
I really enjoyed how all the students are commenting on things in the classroom, I wonder if this lesson could be added into the class that Hagrid taught in one of the books, the one that buckbeak was introduced in. He taught a monster class then that I suppose could have encompassed mythology as well. There were many parts in the story that made me bust up laughing, like when Hera just slapped the ground to become pregnant. I don’t think its how you meant it just I just imagined Hera body slamming the ground and bouncing off the surface suddenly like 9 months pregnant.
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook because you included Harry Potter references in the description, which grabbed my attention. I am excited to read how you tie in the myths we read and Harry Potter characters.
I like to write my commentary as I read and might I just say, Wow!! I love the way that you set up your story and how you made each story a lesson in a mythology class. This was a great idea and I also like how you included classroom rules that would have definitely been around at Hogwarts.
The way you wrote your individual stories was interesting and I think it would be good to discuss why you chose a script format. It gives the characters a lot of personality, but it would be good background information for the reader to know your writing style.
Your storybook gave you the opportunity to simply retell the original myths, which was a great idea. Overall, great job! I think the only comment I would have is to write about your thought process when you were writing your story in the author's note. It doesn't have to be detailed, but just the reason behind the way you write would be very interesting to know!